Now that I am in my mid- 40s, I can look back and see that life has been generous in giving me tangerines, not lemons. And honestly, I’m glad. These tart and sweet moments have made me exactly who I am today.

1. Pruning my Garden: My Circle is Small, But Made of Rarest Gems

The mid-40’s have taught me that peace is the truest luxury. The most generous tangerine life has given me is the clarity to see who truly belongs in my life. My circle is small but it is composed of the rarest gems- people whose goals, principles, and vision for life align with my own. This clarity gave me the courage to do what was necessary: I learned that people must be categorized where they truly belong in your life, and I finally cut ties with anyone who consistently disrespected my boundaries. Toxic individuals, user- friendly acquaintances and some copycats owning my ideas as their own- I had the courage to walk away from them and claim what was mine. This act of pruning was not easy, but is essential for my growth and happiness.

2. Freedom in NO (Putting Away the Guilt)

One of the bitterest lessons-and the sweetest rewards – of my mid- 40s has been mastering the single most difficult word “No”.

For decades, I operated by putting others at the top of my priority list, constantly saying Yes until I was left feeling drained and empty.

Now, I understand that protecting my peace is not selfish: it is mandatory. Learning to say NO without the crippling burden of guilt has been liberating. I say No to things that are not my cup of tea. I say No to late, poorly planned invites that disrupt my quiet time. I say No to going out with people I find hypocritical or disingenuous. And yes, I say No to lending money without clear intention of timely repayment, because financial boundaries are just as sacred as emotional ones.

This discipline is not about being difficult; it’s about honoring my own worth and ensuring I have something left to give to the things that truly matter.

3. Professionalism, Not Family: The Workplace is Not My Home

This may be my personal opinion, but it’s a hard-earned truth I wish I had internalized sooner: Your workplace is not your home, and your colleagues are not your family.

In my past, I considered my office a second home, investing my whole self and burning out the process. I’ve learned that colleagues are there to survive and earn a living. While some may genuinely align with the company’s mission, others are simply navigating their own survival.

The Mid- 40s gifted me a protective boundary against the reality. I realized that behind the pleasantries often lies the harsh reality of gossip, envy, and even insidious discrimination. I’ve been a target of the envious green-eyed monster- targeted simply for possessing something others lacked.

I remember vividly the shock of a superior throwing medical charts at me for an error that wasn’t mine. More painfully, I recall being publicly shouted at and call ” too strict” simply for doing my job- informing a superior that a client had been waiting for nearly an hour. The unfairness of being branded rigid when I am diligently doing my job taught me a critical lesson: Not all superiors are fair. If I allow myself to be easily manipulated or intimidated, I would be their puppet in their quite show.

The lesson is this: Maintain professionalism, commit to the vision, and be kind, but never I let my guard down. I will keep my core self protected and separate.

4. At Work I am Replaceable (And That is Why I Must be Protected)

This is final, freeing, and perhaps hardest truth to swallow; At work I am replaceable.

For years, I invested my nights and my weekends into believing I was essential, only to learn the harsh reality of corporate structure: then when a colleague resigns or is sick or even terminally ill but not yet gone, the meeting is already being held to discuss their replacement.

This realization is not a cause for despair, but a mandate for self care. Since the company will move on without skipping a beat, I must prioritize the one thing that is irreplaceable: my own life, my health and my peace. My primary job is now is safeguarding the person who cannot replaced : Me.

5. The Only Sure Bet: Securing My Own Retirement

If the mid-40s have gifted me anything, It is the clarity of reality, and that reality is this: Secure my own retirement while I still have time.

It doesn’t mean I have vast savings today, but it means I am preparing for old age with a profound sense of urgency. It is better to plan ahead today than face a heartbreaking alternative of feeling sorry later-begging for single pennies, making alms for free consultations and medications from government agencies.

This urgency stems from understanding the simple reality of modern family life: My siblings and relatives have their own families and financial battles to fight. They may help once or twice out of obligation, but expecting them to sustain you long term is unfair and unrealistic. Financial independence is the last great boundary I must set for myself. It is the ultimate act of self- respect and the final mandate for my long- term survival.

6. Do it Now: Making Childhood Dreams Reality

After all the internal work, the penultimate lesson is about action: The time to make my dreams real is now. For too long, I relegated my deepest personal desires to a distant someday. My dreams of becoming a writer, a poet, and painter were always on the shelf. The clarity of the mid-40s eliminates the excuses. The energy I save from saying No must be redirected toward the things I have always wanted to be. I am now actively starting to revive these dreams, proving that the journey of self discovery doesn’t end.

7. Travel Now While I am Still Able

Travel now is about seizing physical opportunity: If a physical adventure or a faraway landscape is calling, I answer that call now. This means I am taking advantage of the body I have today. I don’t want to regret waiting so long that I have to travel the world in a wheelchair. I am seizing the mobility and health I have now to fully experience the world. I will go to the places I always dreamed of- now is the time.

8. The Great Question: Since When Being a Single is a Problem?

For years, society treated single status like a problem to be solved. I have faced the constant weight of family pressure, peer pressure, and acquaintances who worry about my future solitude. Yet, ironically, many of those acquaintances show up to me, expressing profound disappointment with their own stressed and unhappy married lives. I don’t want that for myself.

The mid 40s brings a definitive maturity: I have realized that the notion of being incomplete without a partner is a myth. Since when being a single is a problem? It is not. I hold the deep belief that if marriage is God’s will for me, He will deliver it. He will handpick the most gorgeous rose in his garden for me. But if it’s not coming now, simply means there are things to fix- in me or in the other person- before we meet. And if God says no, and that is not my path, then that is fine. I don’t need anyone to feel complete as long as I put my faith in m God, I am complete and secure. My worth is not tied to my marital status, and my peace is not dependent on another person.

9. The Ultimate Goal: Die Beautifully

Ultimately, all these lessons are simply my personal manifesto for living a life fully, so when I reached the twilight of my years, I can die beautifully.

For me, this means taking conscious control now:

Physically: Taking care of my body through eating healthful, hydrating foods; maintaining a proper skincare routine; exercise; having annual check-ups; and using medications or food supplements to prevent or lessen the effects of illness and aging. My deepest wish is to have a peaceful death in my bed, no sickness, – just death while I am sleeping.

Spiritually: Preparing for the next journey. While I still have time and my vision is clear, I will read the Bible and diligently try to follow its teachings.

This proactive approach ensures that when my time comes, I leave this world with both dignity and grace.

“What is the one piece of wisdom you gained in your 40s that changed your perspective? Share your lesson in the comments!”

©2025 Eorie Faye. All Rights Reserved.